Everyone needs a little Leunig in their life.
This is precisely how I feel right now, smack bang in the middle of my breast cancer treatment. Leunig couldn’t have captured my heart any more perfectly.
The days do seem shorter than the nights, owing in part to the fact that night time still harbours the darkest of my demons and daybreak seems to bring a bit of respite from all the anxiety and dread. Each new day is like one bright step forward away from this awful illness. One bright step forward toward health.
As I delve further into chemo treatments though, I feel my body slowly succumbing to its toxicity. It’s hard to explain the effect to someone who has not experienced it. Sometimes I feel like I’m dying. My body hurts so much and I feel so withered and fragile. This morning I made pancakes for my three ravenous children and had to stop midway for a lie down! It’s so frustrating I could cry.
But in amongst my fear, within my tired, aching body, there is an inner strength that seeps up at even the most desperate times. It enables me to grit my teeth at the awful smell of the chemo ward, to curl my body up protectively against waves of intense nausea…and sometimes to make pancakes when I feel like flopping into bed.
I know I am stronger for confronting Cancer. I hope that measure of strength will be enough to continue to fight back my fears, and kick off the chemo cloud each time it envelops me.
I draw so much strength from all of you, and for those of you in particular, who make it part of your day to check in with me, send me your love, or the odd funny story to see me through an otherwise difficult time.
Thank you so much!