Everyone needs a little Leunig in their life.
This is precisely how I feel right now, smack bang in the middle of my breast cancer treatment. Leunig couldn’t have captured my heart any more perfectly.
The days do seem shorter than the nights, owing in part to the fact that night time still harbours the darkest of my demons and daybreak seems to bring a bit of respite from all the anxiety and dread. Each new day is like one bright step forward away from this awful illness. One bright step forward toward health.
As I delve further into chemo treatments though, I feel my body slowly succumbing to its toxicity. It’s hard to explain the effect to someone who has not experienced it. Sometimes I feel like I’m dying. My body hurts so much and I feel so withered and fragile. This morning I made pancakes for my three ravenous  children and had to stop midway for a lie down! It’s so frustrating I could cry.
But in amongst my fear, within my tired, aching body, there is an inner strength that seeps up at even the most desperate times. It enables me to grit my teeth at the awful smell of the chemo ward, to curl my body up protectively against waves of intense nausea…and sometimes to make pancakes when I feel like flopping into bed.
I know I am stronger for confronting Cancer. I hope that measure of strength will be enough to continue to fight back my fears, and kick off the chemo cloud each time it envelops me.
I draw so much strength from all of you, and for those of you in particular, who make it part of your day to check in with me, send me your love, or the odd funny story to see me through an otherwise difficult time.
Thank you so much!
Kate x
Cancer Cans 
xxx
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Never, never, never give up
You WILL beat this, you WILL get better
Much love
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Oh you beautiful thing. Thank you Sim.
x
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I love that. Thanks for sharing! The exhaustion thing is really frustrating and unfortunately gets worse through out it. Little stuff will exhaust you unfortunately. I bounced back fast though. Once I got halfway through the anxiety was way better for me. I recommend getting something to help you sleep for now. I hate taking meds, but you’re putting poison in your body anyways so what does it really matter? 😉 I stopped needing help to sleep at my halfway mark. I also just didn’t sleep well on AC at all, Taxol was better for me for that.
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Hi Jenna,
Yes fatigue is one of the hardest parts of all this. I get so frustrated with it and can’t do anything about it. Glad to hear that Taxol might bring a teeny tiny bit of reprieve. How are you feeling post-surgery?
kate x
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It’s been rough, but less painful and a lot more mobility than my first surgery. Just got 3 our of 4 drains removed yesterday so that’s making a huge difference.
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Kate…I stumbled on your blog after seeing it on Facebook through a mutual friend – you are so incredibly inspiring with your positivity and honesty about your journey. I also have three young kids, and am the same age – I have enough trouble getting beds made and fitting in a shower with three little munchkins in the morning – yet you are making pancakes for your kids whilst having chemo – amazing! Go you, and keep kicking those goals…each one closer to the end of your treatment and being back to your healthy self. Sending you lots of positive energy, xox
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Hi Charlotte,
Thank you so very much for taking the time to write to me. I started off writing this little blog as a way for me to work through my own feelings, but I am so pleased it’s resonating with you and so many others. Cancer is something I knew so little about until my diagnosis, and I find there are so many people who are learning more about it through my blog posts. I like knowing my journey is spreading the word – or awareness and understanding.
Much love,
Kate x
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Some days Leunig is just pure joy! Much love to you xo
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