Three weeks ago I was living a relatively blissful existence. Of course I know it wasn’t entirely blissful…life rarely is. But looking back from where I sit now, it sure feels that way!
I was happy, satisfied and carefree. We were getting ready to celebrate the year’s close and heading into 2015 with so much to be thankful for. Mostly, I was looking forward to relaunching my teaching career after years spent nurturing our young children, but travel was high on the agenda too. My husband and I had discussed taking our kids to China in April, which, being a Chinese teacher, was something I was thrilled about!
Three weeks ago I was totally oblivious of what lay just around the corner. Isn’t that always the cue for some sort of bombshell?
Well my bombshell came in the shape of a small, innocuous lump, found in my right armpit one morning, whilst showering. A lump that would rock my little world within hours of its discovery.
I’m almost a month down the line from finding that lump, and two weeks into recovering from major breast surgery (bilateral mastectomy). How quickly life can change! From where I’m perched now, boobless and sore, all I see is the scary treatment journey that awaits me: first chemo, followed by radiotherapy, more chemo & years of hormone therapy with the very real possibility of further surgery to take away my ovaries.
I am grieving for that girl so unaware, and for that beautiful, happy place I was in. I want it all back! I’m terrified that I’ll never be that girl again. And truth be told, how could I ever go back to the old me? Beautiful friends and fellow breast cancer patients have spoken about becoming wiser and more appreciative because of their ordeal. I hope so. And I suppose hope is all I’ve got at the moment.
So for now, many plans for 2015 are on hold for another time. I am taking each new challenge one step at a time, taking the bad days with the good and seeking solace in the knowledge that many, many women have fought this disease before me.
This blog was born out of my love of writing, and the need to express my feelings in a way that is cathartic for me and possibly helpful for others. Already I have gathered up as much info as I can find on breast cancer, but the best stuff by far has been the words written by the women themselves.
So this will be a no holes barred account of my own personal journey through breast cancer and beyond! Please, join my fight!